What I'm fighting for

Sometimes when I hear a song the lyrics just really hit home. This song is by a band called Matisyahu. They are a Reggae group and the lead singer is Jewish. What I love about his music is all of the songs have so much meaning and history. For the past month or so if you call me this is the song you will hear as you wait for me to answer.
Every time I hear it reminds me to keep things in perspective. It makes me grateful that I have a knowledge of the fullness of the gospel and that through the gift of the Holy Ghost I can discern good from evil. It reminds me to go to the temple and do the work that unites me to the past. It reminds me that I am an heir to the promises made to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. And even though it is not written in the lyrics of the song- it reminds me that the Jewish people will someday come to a knowledge that Jesus is the Christ and that they are His chosen people.

I am so grateful for all the Lord has done for me and for the compassion he has shown me.
Christ said- "In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
We are not alone.
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
(Alma 7:11-12)

Here is the music and lyrics to What I'm Fighting For by Matisyahu



What I'm fighting for
Is worth far more than silver and gold
What I'm fighting for
Is a chance to unite the past
When a brothers coming home at last
Fighting together for lives
Sons and daughters of Abraham
Lay down to a higher command
Don't be tricked by the acts of man
Gods wisdom revealed in a holy plan
A chance to unite the past
When a brothers coming home at last
Fighting together for lives
To Zion we roll and we're not all alone
Unite and you will find
What I'm fighting for
Is worth far more than silver and gold
What I'm fighting for
Is a chance to unite the past
When a brothers coming home at last
Fighting together for lives
To Zion we roll and we're not all alone
Unite and you will find
What I'm fighting for
-Matisyahu

Add this to the list of reasons why

Kailyn was held back in the second grade. She is in the third grade now. Because she has been retained once she cannot be retained again in elementary school. The next time she would be "eligible" to repeat a grade would be in middle school. So here we are at the end of the school year and it is EOG time. I already have issues with standardized testing and EOGs but that would be a post by itself.

Because Kailyn has been retained she gets regular remediation. She gets pulled out for small groups and one on one time. I honestly think these things are helping and I am grateful for all the effort the school is putting in to help Kailyn succeed. But even with all this extra help Kailyn still continues to struggle academically.

I told Kailyn not to stress out about the EOG for two reasons. One I am homeschooling her next year and two she can't be held back again so her EOG score doesn't really matter. I told her to just do her best and everything would be okay. She passed the reading but failed the math. So tell me if this scenario makes any sense. Kailyn can't be held back again- she obviously is still struggling with learning- she would obviously need remediation again next year if she was going to be enrolled in public school- so she obviously should not be made to retake the EOG. Right?? The only reason to have someone like Kailyn retake the EOG after TEN hours of remediation is so they have a better score to put down on paper. So that they can say hey look we had this many kids pass the EOG. It has absolutely nothing to do with testing what Kailyn knows or doesn't know.

So in order for the school to look better the past four days- while the rest of her class has done whatever it is that kids do the last few weeks of school after the EOGs have been taken-Kailyn has had to sit in one place for five hours at a time and get math crammed into her head so that she could retake the math EOG and pass (which she did pass).

Do they honestly think that she is going to retain anything she learned in those ten hours?? If I hadn't already planned to homeschool her next year this would have put me over the edge for sure.

Jumping Rope

These lyrics pretty much sum up my life right now

up down when it gets hard remember life’s like a jump rope
there’ll be a bump there will be a bruise
there’ll be alarms and there will be a snooze
there’ll be a path that u will get to choose
there’ll be a win and there will be a lose
you have to hold your head up high and
watch all the negative go by
don’t u ever be ashamed to cry
you go ahead
cuz life’s like a jump rope
I want to tell u that everything will be okay
That everything will eventually turn itself to gold
Keep pushin through it all
Don’t follow, lead the way
Don’t lose yourself or your hope
Remember life’s like a jump rope
up down up down up down up down
*Jump Rope- Blue October*

How Kailyn is Krazy

Everything I could have hoped for

I just have to say the the American Idol finale surpassed all of my expectations. It really was perfect. I even like Kara a little more now. I watched it with a group of girl friends and we had a BLAST! This was my favorite finale of all time and here are my favorite moments----

David Cook singing Permanent- He is sooooooo amazing. I put his CD back on repeat. It really is that good. Before Idol David was in a band called Axium. They recorded a few albums. I own them. I also own his solo album Analog Heart. I honestly don't know how he wasn't discovered before now.
Anyway one of my favorite songs is called AC. It is also about his brother and his fight with cancer. Enjoy!


Okay back to how much this show made me happy!
Nick Mitchell aka Normund Gentle. I truly truly love this kid and would pay money to see him perform. He is hilarious!

Kris sounding better then Keith Urban in their duet

The camera zooming in on Megan dancing in the aisle in that outfit. Wow. Comedy! I seriously tried to search for it on Youtube. I wanted to post it here.

How well Bikini girl pulled off being shocked and Kara singing much much better then her. I am happy Kara pulled off the song because she sucks at judging and whoa nelly that song she wrote is just so beyond awful. Brittney heard it on the radio three times today and I listened to it several times to see if it would grow on me. Yeah it didn't.

Allison and Cyndi Lauper singing together. Probably my favorite duet of the night! I soooo wish they would record this. It was AH MAZING. I can't wait to see how well Allison does! She is soooo brilliant.

Matt Giraud sounding really really good. Probably the best I have ever heard him.

Every time Kris and Adam sang together.

Knowing So You Think You Can Dance is about to start!!!! Seriously the best show on television!!! I may have to blog about it!

Adam singing with Queen! Kris singing with Queen!

Kris winning! I honestly would have been happy no matter what. They are both super super talented just in different ways.

Kris saying Adam should have won. (for the record I don't think he has anything to be sorry for and he also deserved to win)

The lower key in the horrendous song that has to be his first single. Adam may be glad he lost because now he never has to sing that dreadful song ever again.

Getting on Itunes and being able to instantly purchase studio versions of both Kris and Adam's best songs from the season. (I have listened to them repeatedly today and I am in LOVE LOVE LOVE with both but I think Adam's might be my favorite by a very very small margin but depending on my mood that could very easily change.)

Seeing 12 Kris Allen and 11 Adam Lambert songs in the download top 100.

Seeing both of their Best of Season 8 albums in the top 5.

Seeing the entire top 25 video downloads slammed packed with Kris, Adam and American Idol in general.


On a side note. I read the funniest story that came from an unnamed source who may or may not have been in the Top 36 with Tatiana. Story goes, the top 50 had to fill out intense psychological tests. And Ju’Not Joyner got up in the middle of the room while they were taking the test and said, “Tatiana, when they put your scan-tron in the machine it’s gonna go kabloom!!!” HAHAHA!

Finally the Final

I was surprised by how much I loved the final especially considering the season was "just okay" for me. It may have been my favorite AI final of all times. I think either guy could easily win and do very very well. The best moment for me was when Kara realized how much her song SUCKED. I mean Adam "can sing the phone book" Lambert didn't even get the judges praise when he sang it and Kara herself asked people not to judge Kris on the song but on the season. Too bad that horrendous unoriginal piece of garbage is going to be the winner's first single. You could totally tell that Simon HATED it.
I tried to vote for over an hour and a half and only got through one time but at least I can say I voted for Kris. I actually think he may win. I thought his first two performances were amazing. I have no idea what the judges were talking about when they said his second song was to tame for the stage. I hit rewind and watched it again that's how fantastic I thought it was. I wish Simon Fuller would have picked Kiss by Prince for Adam but I am in love with that suit he was wearing! Do you think I could get Travis to wear one like that??

Fair Tax

There is no charge for awesomeness or attractiveness

Allias was asking Brittney if she and Bradley would come to his Spring Band concert. When she said that they might he told her not to be shocked if he looked like the total outcast because he was so much more attractive then the rest of the people in the band.

Kailyn was sitting at the table eating breakfast and told Brittney and I that pretty girls were jealous of her.

noooooooo

If Kris goes home tonight I will blame myself. I didn't watch or vote last night. According to Dial Idol Kris and Danny's votes are super super super close.
In my defense I am teaching Revelations this week in Seminary and all my spare time has gone to studying. I was going to watch last night but I fell asleep on my scriptures.

Is Ryan Psychic?

One quick comment on last weeks result show. I LAUGHED my butt off when Adam actually picked a group (no one PICKS a group, I mean come on now) and then LAUGHED even harder when he chose the wrong group. Too too funny. I have been trying to figure out for weeks if Adam is cocky or not and now I have my answer.

Ryan told Oprah back in March (when there were 13 contestants left) who he thought would be the top four. Now that his prediction has come true everyone is asking if the show is rigged. Seriously if the show was indeed rigged I don't think Ryan would drop names like that. But who knows maybe it just slipped.

I didn't get to watch last night or vote I was too tired to stay up after my run and porch visit with Amy and Maren.
I watched it this morning and I really really wish I would have voted last night. I am pretty sure Kris is in trouble. I wish he would have taken a rock song and changed it up to have a more pop/folk feel instead of trying to pretend to be a rocker. It just didn't work. There were a couple parts of the song that I loved but overall it was exactly what Simon said "a jam session".

Danny was sooooo beyond dreadful but the producers probably knew he would suck rock week so they gave him the coveted final performance slot to guarantee his safety. Kara actually said something intelligent when she told him he took their swagger comment a little too far. Wouldn't it be funny if Adam and Danny made the finals and the producers decided to have Adam sing Dream On. I can guarantee he would hit that note!

Allison looked so adorable with her pigtails but I cracked up over how nervous she was singing with Slash. She is a cutie. I liked what Adam's hairdresser did with her hair too but I think she looked the best last week. I would have voted for her if I had watched. I really wish she and Kris could beat out Danny.

Adam was brilliant. I have been waiting all season to hear him sing some Zeppelin and he rocked the house. I was surprised to hear Randy say it wasn't Broadway because I still got a bit of a Broadway feel from it. I know Adam is a little over the top for some people but the boy can sing and he does it beautifully!! The club of artists who match with what Adam can do vocally is pretty small; Robert Palmer, Freddy Mercury and Steven Tyler. I think I would buy his album. I would like to see him in a band rather then as a solo artist though.

The duets were probably my favorite part of the show. Kris and Danny sounded brilliant during the harmonies and Allison and Danny's voices are perfect together. I wish Kris would have sounded a little better during his solo parts but I loved both performances.

Simon irritated me with him comment that Adam may have kept Allison in the competition. Ummmm huh? Seriously? And Kara's outfit was seriously just bad. She is taking the rock theme a little too seriously I think.

Dial Idol is making it look pretty close and I don't even know why Vote for the Worst is even bothering anymore but they chose Danny. That means they will probably be pushing him until the end. Stupid because they have been his biggest opponents since day one of the producers shoving him down our throats. Of this top four I honestly think Allison will sell the most records.

Also did you hear that Paula has admitted to being addicted to painkillers.
"Several years ago, Abdul was diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome, a chronic neurological condition characterized by severe burning pain and tissue swelling. The disorder also caused teeth-chattering and skin lesions for Abdul.
The "Idol" judge wore a patch that delivered a dose of medication approximately 80 times more powerful than morphine, took a nerve medication to relieve her symptoms and occasionally used a muscle relaxer. But the pain became so severe that it disrupted her sleep and left her acting "weird," Abdul admitted, an acknowledgement of the sometimes-bizarre behavior she displayed on the "American Idol" set." You can read the whole story here.


15 DAYS and So You Think You Can Dance begins!!!!!! I can barely stand it!!!

so much to say

Since I didn't want my 100th post to be about Idol I figured I better post something today. I had some adorable pictures of my niece in her DUKE jersey that I wanted to share but unfortunately her daddy didn't appreciate them as much as I did and deleted them from my camera. Don't worry I have plans to take more. I also taught her how to say GO DUKE and DUKE is #1. Much better then hearing her say Duke is poopy. Her dad taught her that. I wonder how he feels sleeping in Allias' bedroom with Duke memorabilia all around him. Maybe I should get some pictures of that too.

Anyway on to my 100th post. I have been reading the guest posts over at Mormon Mommy Blogs about raising teenagers and wow there are some brilliant, insightful moms out there. I encourage every one who is the mother of teenagers or may someday be to check it out. The post there today was exactly what I needed to lift me up and give me the courage to face another day.

A lot of you know how much we struggle with our oldest son. I often wonder if anyone really understands what we are going through though. If anyone can really imagine the anguish I feel over this child. Tyler is Bipolar. This is his 7th diagnosis but the 1st that actually fits but I am no longer shocked by how little mental illness is understood- even by those who claim to be "professionals". We are in the process of looking yet again for someone to help Tyler in his struggle.
I have learned many lessons from being his mother and hope to learn many more. I hope I am learning all my Heavenly Father wants me to. I think I know maybe just a little of what He feels when His children make choices that drive them away from happiness. It kind of feels like someone is jumping up and down on your chest. Breathing becomes difficult and sometimes even standing up straight is hard to do. And as much as you are angry and hurt and bewildered your heart just wants to burst from the love you feel for this crazy, defiant, reckless child who seems determined to ruin his own life. You want to shake him and scream in his face one minute and the next you wish he would just let you hold him in your arms. You wonder why he can't just learn from the mistakes you made? Why does he need to make his own? And there is so much regret. So much looking back and wondering what more could have been done. It is so hard to let go. To let God's will be done.
I know that Jesus Christ atoned for this child of mine. I know that He is the only one who truly knows my child and that He is the one that can help him but it is sooo hard to let that knowledge govern the choices you make every day, every hour, every minute.
When Tyler was about 3 he got the stomach flu. It was Halloween. Our home teachers called and asked if they could come visit. I told them Tyler was sick. They asked if they could come and give him a blessing. Travis was inactive and the time and I had been a member about five months.
I could go into a HUGE long history of all the medical problems Tyler had as an infant/toddler but that would take more time then you or I have. Let's just say he was a very sick baby, but by the time he was three he was doing a lot better physically but continuing to experience emotional difficulties and had trouble sleeping. He was going to a preschool for children with special needs and we were struggling to find answers.
My home teachers came over and laid their hands upon his head and gave him a blessing. In all the blessings members of my family have been given over the years there are only one or two things I really remember. I have remembered this particular thing that was said to my son when he was just three years old over and over again. "We live in a day of great medical and scientific advances. New discoveries are being made all the time, but we also live in a day when the Priesthood reigns on the earth and some day all the problems you face will be on the back burner of your life."
I am holding onto that promise.
I am working on the only salvation I have any control over (my own) and trying to be happy and faithful in spite of my trials. I am so thankful for my AMAZING family and friends and for my Savior. I know that His strength is sufficient for all who lay their burdens at His feet.

How thankful I am for this amazing Gospel.

I forgot

two really important things in my last post.......
I am reading Shakespeare. I am going to try and read of much of it as I can. I read A Midsummer Night's Dream first. I thought the characters and the plot were pretty poorly developed. I also have no idea how anyone reads Shakespeare without cheating. I found this very cool series that has the original text on one side and the modern English version on the other. There is no way I would have understood half of what I read without it. I was impressed with the sing songy rhythm and rhyme of the play though.
I just finished Hamlet. I liked it a lot but wish I would have had people to talk to about it as I was reading. I think Hamlet was like modern day actors that get so caught up in the "part" they are playing that it gets inside their head. In addition to the modern English version I also read the cliff notes and a brief history of Shakespeare.
I am not sure which play I am going to read next. I am leaning toward Macbeth. My other choice would be Julius Caesar.

I also forgot to mention that I attended a tea party on April 15th. I am making it a goal to get more politically involved. Conservatives need to band together to get their party back and to make our voices heard. We cannot sit idly by while the liberal minority push their agenda on us. We cannot be ashamed to take a stand for what is true and just and right and to stand up for morals and values. I heard a popular local radio host talking about sparring the rod and spoiling the child. He mentioned it in reference to spanking. I am not against spanking by any means but the verse spare the rod spoil the child has little to do with corporal punishment and everything to do with teaching our children the values that come from the scriptures. The rod is the IRON ROD or the Word of God. I actually called into the radio station and let them know what I thought.

Another tea party will be held on July 4th. I will be there to help spread the message that Equal Opportunity is not Equal Distribution. They will be held nation wide. If you would like information on one in your community or on organizing one visit here.
I also encourage everyone to read the preamble to their state constitution. Did you know that all fifty states mention God in their constitution.
Here is North Carolina's
PREAMBLE
We, the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for the preservation of the American Union and the existence of our civil, political and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those blessings to us and our posterity, do, for the more certain security thereof and for the better government of this State, ordain and establish this Constitution.

Remember what Ether said about this land-
For behold, this is a land which is choice above all other lands; wherefore he that doth possess it shall serve God or shall be swept off; for it is the everlasting decree of God. And it is not until the fullness of iniquity among the children of the land, that they are swept off. (Ether 2:10.)
“Behold, this is a choice land, and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall be free from bondage, and from captivity, and from all other nations under heaven, if they will be serve the God of the land, who is Jesus Christ. . . ." (Ether 2:12)

At the Holocaust museum in DC there is a quote that talks about how we need museums like this to help us remember so history doesn't repeat itself. I guess I always question are we really remembering. There is a difference between learning about something and actually keeping it in your remembrance so that it guides the choices you make in your daily life.

*oh and I miscounted this is actually my 99th post! Pressure is still on!